The word love is supposed to find a point in your emotions and make them somersault, cringe even. My lungs feel as if they had caught fire when I hear it. You should not be able to roll the term off of your tongue as if it’s something you’ve recited thousands of times. “I love you” is to your family when you are leaving the house in the morning. You don’t know if you will ever see them again. Your mom or dad could die in a car crash on the way to work, and the last thing you said to them would either be a phrase you use when passing sort-of-friends in the hall, or something special, something you only use for the people that actually make a daily impact on your life.
When I was five or so my mom used to ask me to give her hugs and kisses or say “I love you” all of the time. And I remember if I had already kissed her once or twice that day, I would say “I’m all out of kisses for today mama.” She would tell me that nobody ever runs out of kisses, hugs, and I love you’s, but recently I realized that I was quite smart for a five year old. Though it’s true that you will never run out of those three things, the meaning in them will dim. Eventually a hug won’t be warm and enlightening, it will just be yet another time that a person wrapped their arms around you, and a kiss will just be considered nothing serious, and “I love you” will just be a threesome of words thrown around to whomever you please.
Don’t say “I love you” to someone that you do not love. “I love you” is a beautiful term, created with intention of a unique essence that you only feel with certain things. In my school, countless people have said “Ashtyn, I love you” to me, people that I barely know, people that I only consider as acquaintances. And what do I do? I freak out, full on flip out. I have anxiety from it, one time I almost started crying. You may think I am insane for that, obviously they were just kidding around. But that’s exactly the point. There are people in my life, that I will not directly name in this blog, that I say “I love you” to, I say it with meaning and whole heartedness, and I don’t get it back sometimes. A person that I have so much respect for, so much affection, so much love for, ran out of “Ashtyn, I love you’s” but some random person in class hasn’t? If you don’t love a person don’t say it. Because otherwise they will find themselves constantly thinking, ‘you said you loved me.’
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